…..

there’s not a title for this post. it’s just one I need to write for myself. a journal entry, if you will.

my heart literally aches. I’ve always considered myself a compassionate person. even before having wright. I don’t think you can be a junior high teacher without compassion. however, when you become a parent, it seems that your level of compassion exponentially grows. you now see everyone as someone’s child. you see the innocence of children so much more clearly.

as I had the TV on the news today, watching the tragedy in Connecticut unfold, I bawled. there were parents that rushed to their child’s school to pick them up because of this horrible tragedy. And one by one, classes were released. I can’t imagine waiting to see your child walk through a door after something like this. the panic, fear, and anticipation would be enough to send me into a nervous breakdown. except, there are some parents that will never see their child again.

as I rocked wright to sleep tonight, I again bawled. even though today was tough to be his mom…he was fussy, woke up screaming after we put him to sleep, and cried during our entire trip to the mall, I praised God. I will take a fussy day every. single. day. if it means I get to hold my child. my sweet innocent child.

lane and I are currently watching the disney channel. we can’t take watching the news. it is heart breaking. all I can do is pray. pray for every single person involved in this. the parents, grandparents, siblings, husbands, wives, children of those who lost their lives. for the first responders who will have images in their heads of a horrific scene that will probably haunt them for the rest of their lives. for children everywhere who are scared to go to school. for our political leaders as tough conversations are about to be had. for my sweet child, that he never, ever, ever experiences the fear or sadness that surrounds the Newtown community after this tragic event.